This month, I thought it would be fun to talk about what we are thankful for and I've been looking forward to writing this post ever since I committed it to my planner. Although, I am truly excited to write about why I am thankful and what for, I've had a really hard time writing this post because the topic is so close to my heart and is the product of working through hard moments that I experienced this year.

Today, I am incredibly grateful for opportunities and possibilities. This seems kind of unusual, right? Let me explain, if you have been following my blog this year and my sporadic posts, you know that working through Hugo's birth story was a little hard and then six weeks later I almost died mid-surgery and sustained injuries such as: perforated organs, internal bleeding, air built all around my chest cavity, and a slew of other side effects that continued for months. These events triggered post partum depression and other anxieties, fears that I didn't have before and life became about survival. I struggled, a lot, until rather recently. I spent so much of my time in pain, sick, angry, in shock, and lost in sadness which caused me to miss so many opportunities. Opportunities to hold and snuggle Hugo when I was in too much pain. Opportunities to get to know new moms when I couldn't see passed my own nose. Opportunities to strengthen friendships and other relationships that I had when I withdrew or pushed people away. Opportunities to share kindness, be helpful, loving, etc. I just didn't, or couldn't care.

Postpartum Depression

"Have you blogged lately," asked my mom.
"No, I haven't."
"Hmm, that doesn't sound like you.." my mom countered with a concerned expression.
"I know."

And that is what postpartum depression looks like, for me.

Emergency, Emergency

I've started and restarted this post for days now. Truthfully, I just don't know where to begin and I've wrestled with whether or not anyone would even want to know the cause of my silence. It's a long story, so if you are interested, be prepared to settle in a comfortable spot for awhile. It's also a moderately sad story so if you're an easy crier (like me) then grab some tissues too. Although, as I write this, I may be crying enough for the both us - so maybe nix the tissues.